On Humility

The 22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time
Today’s Readings: [Click here]

OK, I want you to picture this episode we just heard about in the gospel today. You’re a rather important person—maybe a politician, a successful businessperson, a movie star, a community leader—and you’re throwing a dinner party. All these fabulous people start arriving, and they’re probably pretty important, too. And then here comes Jesus, who starts to tell the guests that they shouldn’t take the seats of honor, because maybe they’re not quite as important as they think they are! It makes you wonder if Jesus ever got invited back a second time!

But actually he’s right. Nobody likes it when somebody else is conceited and all full of themselves and think they’re entitled to special honors and privileges. Then again, when we do it, we like to think that the whole world thinks we are as wonderful as we imagine ourselves to be. But sigh… they don’t, and that is Jesus’ lesson.

Of course, most of us aren’t like Jesus. We don’t say anything to people’s faces when they start bragging and tooting their own horns… but boy-oh-boy, do we ever talk about them when they leave!

When I was in college, I had a friend named Todd. Todd had a good heart and was a loyal friend and had many good qualities—but he was an impossible blowhard. Looking back, I can see that he was abandoned by his father and suffered from low self-esteem, and I guess he compensated by talking big and bragging quite a bit. One time, he insisted on treating my parents and me to dinner. My father felt a little embarrassed that this young guy wanted to take us all to dinner at a fancy New York restaurant, but Todd insisted, so we went. Well, in the restaurant, Todd played the big man and ordered all kinds of expensive appetizers and even a pricey bottle of wine. When the check came, my Dad paid. I was surprised. I asked Todd about it, and he said that he offered my father money under the table, but my Dad refused it and pushed his hand away. When I asked my father about it, he laughed and said he did no such thing. I guess bragging is especially annoying when there’s no substance behind it.

Kids have a special knack when it comes to taking their parents down a peg. My mother used to tell a story that when I was in Kindergarten or first grade, she got a call from the teacher asking her to come in for a conference. The teacher asked my mom, “What does your husband do for a living?” She said, “He’s a book publisher. Why do you ask?” “Well,” my teacher said, “Jeffrey told the class that his father is a bookie.” Hey, I was 5 or 6 years old. I didn’t know what you called what he did.

Then a friend of mine named Rick was married with a couple of children. His wife got into this interesting hobby of making porcelain dolls, and she went to some evening classes offered at a nearby college to learn how to do it. Rick stayed home to watch the kids. One night, Rick was standing on the front porch chatting with a neighbor when the phone rang. His 5-year-old son, Craig, answered the phone right away and very politely. Rick heard his son tell the caller, “No, my mom’s not here right now. She’s out making a baby. But my dad is here if you want to talk to him.”

Maybe God sends us children to teach us the fine art of humility! Because so many times in life, our pride and arrogance, our stubbornness and self-love can backfire on us. That’s when we really learn that these are defects in character that can hurt us and alienate us from people who are supposed to love us—which is precisely why Jesus tries to teach us to be humble instead. That’s how we better love each other. I really like this little quote from Thomas Merton, the famous Trappist monk: “Give me humility, in which alone is rest, and deliver me from pride, which is the heaviest of burdens.”

Learning this can be a hard lesson. We all like positive reinforcement and a pat on the back, but a lot of times the good that we do is not recognized by the people around us. Jesus is telling us two things today well worth remembering: First, trust that God does see what we do and know that he appreciates it. As the author of Sirach wrote in our first reading: Humble yourself the more, the greater you are, and you will find favor with God. And second, realize that singing your own praises is just going to turn people off and cause resentment and nasty gossip. It’s also going to cause people to look for ways to find fault with you—and the world definitely does not need more of that! Rather, again heed Sirach’s wise advice: Conduct your affairs with humility, and you will be loved more than a giver of gifts.

That famous gag t-shirt says, “It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am”—but we really should try. Let’s all ask God for an extra measure of this special virtue.